· YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN “OUTSIDE ONLY” DOG. Sure they LOVE being outside--especially if that's where YOU are! Goldens want to be part of the family, not sent to outer Siberia (okay, the backyard).
· YOU DON”T LIKE DOG HAIR. Umm, GOLDENS HAVE HAIR and aren't afraid to use it!!! ;-) True, they shed. If you brush them weekly, (and I mean EVERY WEEK, *NOT* weakly!) it will keep the shedding to a minimum. They DO shed more as the weather warms up. We call this "blowing coat". I suppose they named it that because the dog's coat is BLOWING EVERYWHERE!!!
· YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR. Some of my best moments of each day are because one of our dogs is being the Goof Of The Moment!
· YOU ARE A CLEAN FREAK. Muddy paws, nose prints on every window in your house and car, and did I mention the hair? Enough said… If you can’t relax and enjoy it, you and your dog will both be miserable. Martha Stewart may have Chows, but I am sure they aren't very HAPPY!
· YOU ARE A COUCH POTATO AND HOPE YOUR DOG WILL BE TOO. Goldens are sporting dogs, bred to retrieve game all day. They need regular exercise, especially as puppies, or they can become destructive and unhappy. For you to both be happiest, give your dog a JOB!
· YOU LIKE EVERYTHING TO STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU PUT IT. Trust me, if you've been to my house, you will see *I* don't seem to have a problem with having a place for everything, and have everything in it!!!
1) Your jewelry box contains no jewels - just those fasteners from vari-kennels
2) Every time you read the name Bob, you think the guy's first name is Best of Breed
3) You ask your vet if you can ride in his/her sports car (that u paid for) sometime
4) Your house isn't carpeted - the fuzzy furballs under your feet are soft enough
5) Your hungry spouse comes home from work, lifts the cover of the pan on the stove and asks "Is this people food or dog food"?
6) Your hungry spouse once ate the dog food and asked for seconds
7) Your mother in law, family, relatives keeps asking when you are going to have real children
8) You don't give a second thought to using the brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run through your own hair
9) At your dinner parties, you always double check the butter for dog hair before putting it on the table
10) You put important papers in your latest issue of your breed magazine so you know you will find them there
11) You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapping gifts
12) You have dog treats/toys in your briefcase or in pockets of your work suit
13) You have several albums filled with the 8x10 pictures of your dogs but can't find any pictures of your family for grandma
14) You show up to car dealers with a ruler to measure and see if your big dog crate will fit and before the actual purchase you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crates and dog into the shiny new vehicle to make sure it works.
15) You can't get the groceries in the car because a) already full of dog food or b) you have that big dog crate in there
16) You visit relatives only if there is a dog show nearby
17) you remove all seats from the van except the front 2 so you have room for crates
18) The passenger seat is full of dog stuff
19) You cringe at the price of people food but think nothing of the cost of dog food or treats
20) You have six squeaky rats... but only 1 of them squeaks
21) Your mother knows the implication of a "major breaking"
22) You put popcorn in the clean dog dish for movie night
23) You pull out your credit card and little bits of liver are stuck to it
24) When you get your latest roll of film developed there isn't a single picture of a 2-legged person in it
25) People at work no longer offer you there lint brush. They realize it is a hopeless case.
26) Friends no longer ask "how was your weekend", they ask "how did the dogs do"
27) All babies and youngsters are "people puppies"
Never had to fix liver for anything!
Lived in the city, had extra money, and thought I was sane.
Bought clothes for myself instead of dog shows.
Thought a "tie" was something a man wore around his neck.
Didn't own a pooper scooper, grooming table, crates or exercise pens.
Thought a professional handler was an agent for a fighter.
Thought a major was an officer in the army.
Never told my kids to sit and stay.
Would come home from a party at 4 A.M., not leave for a dog show then.
Never worried about parasites or kennel cough.
Never owed the vet a dime.
Had furniture without dog hair on it.
Didn't worry about dog shows or whelping calendars.
Had long hair and time to groom it.
Thought "in season" referred to the latest fashion.
Thought "Bitch" was a swear word.
Didn't worry if my skirts had no pockets.
Thought bait was something you used when fishing.
Had a food bill I could afford (half of which WAS NOT dog food).
Thought if someone "finished" he was six feet under.
~Now that I do have dogs........ I'm sooooo much WISER~
"if your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise"
"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
-- Gene Hill
"In dog years, I'm dead."
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
-- Aldous Huxley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
-- Robert Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
-- Sue Murphy
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely >certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
-- Fran Lebowitz
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
-- Anne Tyler
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
-- Rita Rudner
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
-- Joe Weinstein
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
-- James Thurber
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets." -- Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
-- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get>used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
-- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!"
-- Dr. Tom Cat
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
-- Edward Abbey
"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
-- Christopher Morley
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
-- Josh Billings
"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
-- Holbrook Jackson
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-- Andrew A. Rooney
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-- Mark Twain
"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
-- Smiley Blanton
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
-- John Steinbeck
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